Did you ever thought of committing suicide?
At least once in my lifetime, I’d thought about committing suicide. That was back in the middle of 2014. I was not serious then, but it had a story I considered worth sharing. Some of you may be interested in it.
On 1-8-2013, MPSC issued a notification for recruitment of some 91 posts including MCS, MPS, SDC, MFS and EO. I was about to complete my M.Phil. course then, and was desperately looking for a decent job for survival. That was what my family and friends expected of me too.
So, I decided to try for the said MCSCCE Exam 2013. Though I didn’t prepare seriously, I somehow cleared the Preliminary Exam, and had to go for Main (Written + Interview). I wrote the Main and get through for the Interview. In April 2014, I faced MPSC interview for the first time where my performance was of an average considering that I was not serious enough for such a prestigious exam.
When MPSC declared the result around 8:00pm on 21-4-2014, the last day of the interview itself, I found my name missing in the final list. Though I failed, I hope to get through in my second attempt but couldn’t make it.
To shorten the long story, I faced the interview in my first attempt but couldn't even clear the Prelim in the second and third attempt. Thinking that I was carrying the hope of so many people closed to me, I was not only desperate but was feeling extremely low. I'd never experienced such situations where I feel so discouraged in in my entire life. All my hope have been shattered, and I no longer feel the meaning of my life. I was not able to concentrate on anything but keep questioning myself ‘why were I created as human being, and why my parents gave birth to me.’
One day, out of frustration, I texted a friend and told him that I no longer want to live. After few seconds, he replied a message saying: "Instead of committing suicide, you better come and cook for me. It will be beneficial for both of us..." Those days, both of us live alone: I in a rented house, and he in an official quarter.
His reply, at first, makes me feel extremely furious, but gradually changed my thought! Not only that I felt funny and started laughing but also question myself why should I felt so low just because I couldn’t make it for an exam or two. He might not mean it but it was such a life changing moment. While I was so serious with my message, he didn't even feel a bit of my desperation. Rather, he mocked at me for my stupidity and foolishness.
This is what I called friendship!
Now, let me share about two things: (i) who is a true friend, and (ii) how I overcome such situation.
A TRUE FRIEND:
A true friend is not someone who recognised your birthday, anniversary, or any happy moment alone but also someone who understands you when you are at the nadir of your life, and tries to push you up anyhow. Such person may act arrogant, ignorant or insensitive, but will never leave you alone when you are so much in need of their help. Most importantly, they will surely know what you exactly need at such a situation.
In my case, I was discouraged, and even went to the extent of thinking about committing suicide because I no longer feel that there was any reason to live. Unfortunately, I can’t share such things to my family or any other person close to me. But I was fortunate enough that I had a good friend to whom I can share even the worst feeling of my life.
The more important part was: He understands me well, and knew how to change my thought with a simple act of kindness. I used to ask myself what could have befallen me in case I didn’t have a good friend like him!
My point here is to suggest that as human being it is always good to have friends and always better to have good friends who are reliable in times of needs. As the saying goes, ‘a friend in need is a friend indeed’. You may have many friends but if they can’t be with you when you need them, there is very little meaning in it.
I have never been to Europe, but I learned from friends that: Out there, people keep family friends who are really reliable. They shared all their happiness as well as sadness. And their friendships sometimes last for generations. I envy them because they really valued friendship.
Here, we have so many friends who are hardly reliable. While it is always good to have as many friends as possible, we also need to have true friends who can be with us at our worst. This also implies that we should also be with them when they are in need of us.
I have been lucky enough to have some good friends who are really good to me, and I want each one of you have the same. Now, I am a proud man largely because of my good friends though I can’t never ignore the role played by family and other individuals.
HOW TO OVERCOME STRESS:
Now, let me turn to the next point about overcoming one of the most challenging moments of our life. I guess every one of us had a time in our life when we really feel discouraged or so low that we no longer want to live. The reason could be many and varied.
Going back to where I started, it was in 2014 that I felt so low and desperate that I didn’t even want to live. Those who knew me well may not believe. But this is a fact, and I believed everyone must have had similar situations in life.
Yes, after failing one exam after another, and after I couldn’t succeed in many of my endeavours, I started questioning myself what were the purposes of my life. I even question the very meaning of my existence as human being. At times I’d feel like asking my parents why they had given birth to me, and at other times, to God.
It was on that very day a friend mocked at me that I realised something, something that will changed my life in the next few weeks. After hearing some kind words from my good friend, I decided to change my thought. And this is what I did:
First, I browse internet searching for some write up about ‘how to manage stress’. I got a couple of articles and read one of them which throw some light to that effect.
After reading that, I decided to chock-out a strategy to overcome my situation. I told myself that to overcome stress I need to be healthy not only physically but also mentally and spiritually if you may call. So, here are my steps:
1. Follow a time-table strictly: I had never been religiously following any time-table before except in the schools. Sometime I wake-up late, and hence go to bed late. I didn’t have any proper timing for food, bathing, etc. So, my first step was to maintain a daily time-table.
2. Maintain a Healthy Life: To keep myself healthy, and also busy, I decided to start going out for morning and evening walk, and performed physical exercise daily. I also decided to change my food habit not only to be on time but also avoid certain unhealthy food and focus more on green vegetables.
3. Cultivate Reading Habit: To return to normal life, I decided to cultivate the habit of reading. In this regard, I also decided to start with books which I think will be of interest to me. And I did that to keep my mental health in a good condition.
4. To Maintain Spiritual Health: To make myself free from possible evil interference as far as possible, I also decided to start reading a Chapter each of the Bible every morning and evening along with a prayer. This was mainly to keep my spiritual life healthy.
After following the above points, I slowly come back to my normal life and was about to lead a meaningful life once again. Later, I looked back at my own life and find how crazy I was. I could have taken up such an extreme step (of committing suicide) if I didn’t keep a good friend who understand me so well. At the same time, I could have also been in an unimaginable situation if at all I did not make certain commitments to overcome such stress. Yes, I had overcome one of the worst situations of my life after few days of struggle.
Now, I am a proud man going back to my usual lazy life. But I couldn’t just forget that I had tried so hard to live a normal life once again those days. Nobody had recognised how hard my life was because externally, all my friends thought I was doing well.
I was not on sick bed but was quite healthy physically. I faced the prestigious MPSC interview. I already and UGC-JRF and was about to complete my M.Phil. I had a family and friends strong enough to sustain me in any trying times. But inside, I was so low and desperate that I even thought of taking the extreme step of ending my own life.
Friends, I have two simple points to make based on this experience. First, in order to overcome any difficult situation in life, we always need the company of good friends. Choose your friends wisely. Having a fake or pseudo friend will surely broke your heart one day or the other. Second, even if you have good friends, there wouldn’t be anybody to actually lift you up if you don’t. Your friends may help you, but they can’t take the charge of your life in toto. You should be the one to really find a way out. But, I assured you, if you sincerely try, you will surely find a way. There is always a way for those who have the will.
By the way, I am a normal being who always feel lazy. As usual, I am. Never expect me to be always good. But I did try once and I succeeded though I become the normal lazy person once again later.
(The Thadou-Kuki version of the same has been uploaded earlier)
On 1-8-2013, MPSC issued a notification for recruitment of some 91 posts including MCS, MPS, SDC, MFS and EO. I was about to complete my M.Phil. course then, and was desperately looking for a decent job for survival. That was what my family and friends expected of me too.
So, I decided to try for the said MCSCCE Exam 2013. Though I didn’t prepare seriously, I somehow cleared the Preliminary Exam, and had to go for Main (Written + Interview). I wrote the Main and get through for the Interview. In April 2014, I faced MPSC interview for the first time where my performance was of an average considering that I was not serious enough for such a prestigious exam.
When MPSC declared the result around 8:00pm on 21-4-2014, the last day of the interview itself, I found my name missing in the final list. Though I failed, I hope to get through in my second attempt but couldn’t make it.
To shorten the long story, I faced the interview in my first attempt but couldn't even clear the Prelim in the second and third attempt. Thinking that I was carrying the hope of so many people closed to me, I was not only desperate but was feeling extremely low. I'd never experienced such situations where I feel so discouraged in in my entire life. All my hope have been shattered, and I no longer feel the meaning of my life. I was not able to concentrate on anything but keep questioning myself ‘why were I created as human being, and why my parents gave birth to me.’
One day, out of frustration, I texted a friend and told him that I no longer want to live. After few seconds, he replied a message saying: "Instead of committing suicide, you better come and cook for me. It will be beneficial for both of us..." Those days, both of us live alone: I in a rented house, and he in an official quarter.
His reply, at first, makes me feel extremely furious, but gradually changed my thought! Not only that I felt funny and started laughing but also question myself why should I felt so low just because I couldn’t make it for an exam or two. He might not mean it but it was such a life changing moment. While I was so serious with my message, he didn't even feel a bit of my desperation. Rather, he mocked at me for my stupidity and foolishness.
This is what I called friendship!
Now, let me share about two things: (i) who is a true friend, and (ii) how I overcome such situation.
A TRUE FRIEND:
A true friend is not someone who recognised your birthday, anniversary, or any happy moment alone but also someone who understands you when you are at the nadir of your life, and tries to push you up anyhow. Such person may act arrogant, ignorant or insensitive, but will never leave you alone when you are so much in need of their help. Most importantly, they will surely know what you exactly need at such a situation.
In my case, I was discouraged, and even went to the extent of thinking about committing suicide because I no longer feel that there was any reason to live. Unfortunately, I can’t share such things to my family or any other person close to me. But I was fortunate enough that I had a good friend to whom I can share even the worst feeling of my life.
The more important part was: He understands me well, and knew how to change my thought with a simple act of kindness. I used to ask myself what could have befallen me in case I didn’t have a good friend like him!
My point here is to suggest that as human being it is always good to have friends and always better to have good friends who are reliable in times of needs. As the saying goes, ‘a friend in need is a friend indeed’. You may have many friends but if they can’t be with you when you need them, there is very little meaning in it.
I have never been to Europe, but I learned from friends that: Out there, people keep family friends who are really reliable. They shared all their happiness as well as sadness. And their friendships sometimes last for generations. I envy them because they really valued friendship.
Here, we have so many friends who are hardly reliable. While it is always good to have as many friends as possible, we also need to have true friends who can be with us at our worst. This also implies that we should also be with them when they are in need of us.
I have been lucky enough to have some good friends who are really good to me, and I want each one of you have the same. Now, I am a proud man largely because of my good friends though I can’t never ignore the role played by family and other individuals.
HOW TO OVERCOME STRESS:
Now, let me turn to the next point about overcoming one of the most challenging moments of our life. I guess every one of us had a time in our life when we really feel discouraged or so low that we no longer want to live. The reason could be many and varied.
Going back to where I started, it was in 2014 that I felt so low and desperate that I didn’t even want to live. Those who knew me well may not believe. But this is a fact, and I believed everyone must have had similar situations in life.
Yes, after failing one exam after another, and after I couldn’t succeed in many of my endeavours, I started questioning myself what were the purposes of my life. I even question the very meaning of my existence as human being. At times I’d feel like asking my parents why they had given birth to me, and at other times, to God.
It was on that very day a friend mocked at me that I realised something, something that will changed my life in the next few weeks. After hearing some kind words from my good friend, I decided to change my thought. And this is what I did:
First, I browse internet searching for some write up about ‘how to manage stress’. I got a couple of articles and read one of them which throw some light to that effect.
After reading that, I decided to chock-out a strategy to overcome my situation. I told myself that to overcome stress I need to be healthy not only physically but also mentally and spiritually if you may call. So, here are my steps:
1. Follow a time-table strictly: I had never been religiously following any time-table before except in the schools. Sometime I wake-up late, and hence go to bed late. I didn’t have any proper timing for food, bathing, etc. So, my first step was to maintain a daily time-table.
2. Maintain a Healthy Life: To keep myself healthy, and also busy, I decided to start going out for morning and evening walk, and performed physical exercise daily. I also decided to change my food habit not only to be on time but also avoid certain unhealthy food and focus more on green vegetables.
3. Cultivate Reading Habit: To return to normal life, I decided to cultivate the habit of reading. In this regard, I also decided to start with books which I think will be of interest to me. And I did that to keep my mental health in a good condition.
4. To Maintain Spiritual Health: To make myself free from possible evil interference as far as possible, I also decided to start reading a Chapter each of the Bible every morning and evening along with a prayer. This was mainly to keep my spiritual life healthy.
After following the above points, I slowly come back to my normal life and was about to lead a meaningful life once again. Later, I looked back at my own life and find how crazy I was. I could have taken up such an extreme step (of committing suicide) if I didn’t keep a good friend who understand me so well. At the same time, I could have also been in an unimaginable situation if at all I did not make certain commitments to overcome such stress. Yes, I had overcome one of the worst situations of my life after few days of struggle.
Now, I am a proud man going back to my usual lazy life. But I couldn’t just forget that I had tried so hard to live a normal life once again those days. Nobody had recognised how hard my life was because externally, all my friends thought I was doing well.
I was not on sick bed but was quite healthy physically. I faced the prestigious MPSC interview. I already and UGC-JRF and was about to complete my M.Phil. I had a family and friends strong enough to sustain me in any trying times. But inside, I was so low and desperate that I even thought of taking the extreme step of ending my own life.
Friends, I have two simple points to make based on this experience. First, in order to overcome any difficult situation in life, we always need the company of good friends. Choose your friends wisely. Having a fake or pseudo friend will surely broke your heart one day or the other. Second, even if you have good friends, there wouldn’t be anybody to actually lift you up if you don’t. Your friends may help you, but they can’t take the charge of your life in toto. You should be the one to really find a way out. But, I assured you, if you sincerely try, you will surely find a way. There is always a way for those who have the will.
By the way, I am a normal being who always feel lazy. As usual, I am. Never expect me to be always good. But I did try once and I succeeded though I become the normal lazy person once again later.
(The Thadou-Kuki version of the same has been uploaded earlier)
Comments
Post a Comment